Be Where You Are (1/6/15)
Sounds pretty cliche, right?
Well, it is.
When did cliches earn their oft negative connotation?
Some cliches are such because of how indelibly and perpetually true they are.
Tonight, I was stressed out because I had procrastinated the day away. I slept in. I found my motivation early in the evening, just before I was supposed to do a series of things I wanted to do. That late motivation stressed me out even more. How am I going to get these things done? I began to resent my evening's obligations because they were the reason I had such a small window of time to get things done before going out. Not true, self. I was. And that's OK. My body wanted me to procrastinate. My body was trying to tell me something that is now more apparent than it was earlier today. I'm getting sick.
Why am I getting sick? Well, for starters, I'm terrible at listening to my body. I'm way more likely to listen to the opinions of ignorant strangers on Twitter than listen to my body's urge for sleep, food or water. That's fucking twisted. I've been brainwashed by obligations that don't even exist. I've been brainwashed so badly that I'm neglecting the only machine I need for the rest of my life...my body.
Social media has enabled the quote from Shakespeare's As You Like It "All the world's a stage."
In the real world, the casting agent or, maybe, the director is fear. Fear of missing out. Fear of not knowing. Fear of not being heard.
Fear of not being a part of something.
Everyone is playing their part on YouTube, Twitter, Instagram, LinkedIn and Facebook. And we're all a little bit afraid that we will lose our part of the stage. While we fear that, we're forgetting that the only part we can REALLY lose and the only director we REALLY have is ourself.
Often I forget that I'm the director of my own life. I call the shots. If I'm sick, my obligation is to my health, not work or comedy or, for fuck's sake, social media. I've made myself feel guilty for ridiculous things. Missing a rehearsal. Not going to the bar. Sleeping in when I need it. Guilt is a critic, not a director. Shame is a critic, not a director. You may not be able to completely silence your critics but know this, your critics can't make a move until you do. Without you, there is no critic. You're bigger than your critics. They're the remora, you're the shark.
The state of internet has created an unreasonable sense of urgency in our work, our play and our relationships.
If someone doesn't respond immediately to a text, you think they're angry at you. So, you feel like you have to be faster in your response time.
If your inbox is too full, you get stressed out. So you feel more anchored to your communication and thereby burdened by it.
The news breaks before our eyes on Twitter and if we're not a part of it, we feel like we don't matter.
The reality is, sometimes, when we are part of it - we treat OURSELVES like we don't matter.
My attention span is shot because of social media and iphones and email. It's affected my eye contact, my memory and my overall behavior. Thanks to good friends and a wonderful girlfriend, I've become more conscious of this and I'm taking steps to fix it.
In an ideal world, all of this technology should be improving communication but more often than not - it's destroying it.
(and it's threatening to take our health and relationships with it)
I think the point of this rambling is to share my struggles with guilt and shame to inspire you.
Don't be ashamed to take a night off. Don't feel guilty when you can't get back to everyone right away.
Don't let your world be larger than your sense of self importance.
Be where you are. Literally, physically, mentally and emotionally - be where you are.
Yes, I'm telling myself the same thing all the while hoping to inspire you.
I've got your backs, friends.
#djblovesyou
2014 - No Facebook, I'm going to tell YOU how my year was. (12/31/14)
2014 was a year.
Well, I suppose it still is and I guess it always will be.
As I kneel by 2014's deathbed, I'm showing it pictures of what we had together.
The pictures paint a wonderful picture.
In 2014, I found my purpose. My purpose is to use comedy, teaching and fun to build the greater good.
I feel very privileged to have the opportunity to teach and perform comedy. With that privilege, to me, comes an obligation to give back not just with laughter but with the power behind it. Victor Borge said "Laughter is the shortest distance between two people." and I believe him.
I want to change lives offstage with the skills I've accrued working on them.
In 2014, I was laid off for the first time in my life. My confidence got the best of me as I was in a role that put me in over my head.
I convinced myself that I could do it and I busted my ass trying. For the first time in my adult life, I felt like I was doing a terrible job and my colleagues knew it. At first, that was really hard to swallow. Eventually, it taught me that I have a lot to learn and I don't have to be great at everything. It also taught me that if I don't feel like I'm doing a good job, I'm not going to. I'll never break that cycle. So why not find work that you absolutely and unconditionally love? That's when I found my purpose.
In 2014, I had the honor of being a best man at my best friend's wedding. It was an honor that I wear as a badge. Tristan and Niem's love is the love to teach all loves. It sets the bar high. It's pure, it's thoughtful, it's honest and it's palpably real. I've learned so much about how to love and be loved by watching them grow together. To be a part of that ceremony was to be a part of that love and I'm forever thankful for that.
In 2014, I ran a Tough Mudder without dying. It was one of the best times of my life. Thanks to Blake and Michael Moloney, Paul Dome, Kristi Camara, Elena Varney, JT, the Harrisons, cobra smacking and kid ghosts for their ridiculous support that weekend. Team WTF!
In 2014, many of my comedy friends and colleagues moved to NYC or LA to pursue their dreams and many more are moving in 2015.
I'm so proud of the talented and incredible people I get to brush elbows with daily. Without their influence, I wouldn't be half as talented, confident or fun.
In 2014, Bukowski Tavern closed and remodeled. The remodeling saved me thousands of dollars and a liver transplant.
In 2014, I made a few important apologies. Apologizing always feels good. Even if you're not sure it's necessary, it feels good.
In 2014, I feel closer to my mom and my sister than I ever have. There's still a lot of room to grow but I genuinely enjoy their company and I'm proud to laugh at the same things they laugh at.
In 2014, I had another fun year performing with the Majesters at the beautiful Majestic Theater in West Springfield. Huge thanks to Mosie Senn-McNally, Pam Victor, Chris Cronin, Tom Dahl, Tony Silva, Kristina Smarz, Julie Waggoner, Brian Agosta, Scott Braidman and the Majestic crew for allowing me to filthy up your show.
In 2014, I learned that pedicabbing and pedicabbers are still the fucking best. You haven't seen the last of DJB.
In 2014, I was overwhelmed with the fun projects I was involved with at ImprovBoston - The Peoples Show, 100 First Jokes 3, The Comedy Lottery, Face Off, Thorns, Good Vs Evil, Frisky Disco, Tight Five, The Jam - etc. etc. etc. - IB continues to foster my idiocy on and offstage and I'm better for it.
And last but most, Paula. Goddamn. At a time when I was doing everything but looking for love, this beautiful, wonderfully intelligent, funny, talented, driven and thoughtful woman shows up in my life. And by some ridiculous miracle, she's here to stay. I never imagined I could drop the act, be completely and emotionally honest with a partner and not only not be judged for it but be built stronger for it. Paula makes me a better person. That kind of love is the best kind I've ever felt. I could write more about her but really you should just meet her. Just meet her. She writes her own damn story. #djblucky
I love you guys. I've got your backs.
Thank you.
DJB
Human First (12/10/14)
"Life does not cease to be funny when someone dies any more than it ceases to be serious when someone laughs." - George Bernard Shaw
I love that quote. It points out how meaningless the critique of comedy is. It also subtly highlights the complexity of the life of a comedian.
To be an outward clown and a face of positivity is, to some, to always be that way. It's to a point where they almost don't want to recognize you otherwise, you know, as a human. What people fail to remember is that sometimes the people who want to make you feel the best, actually feel horrible inside. See also: Robin Williams. Robin Williams suicide shocked people. BUT HE WAS SO HAPPY ALL OF THE TIME!!! Clearly, not.
In the last month, more than a dozen people have told me, in some way or another, that my emotions seem out of character.
I even had one person ask if my Facebook page had been hacked. It seems that somehow comedians and positive people are expected to be superhuman when in reality they're humans chock full of emotions. Lots of them. Yes, I get angry, I get sad, I get excited, I get frustrated, I make mistakes and it's because I'm a human first.
If it surprises you when I show emotions other than the one you expect from me, that's on you, right? I know it's less fun when I'm not telling jokes or rolling around on a stage but I do other things to connect with people, too. I have deep conversations. I buy gifts. I share music. I go out of my way for strangers.
Sometimes, things aren't funny even to a comedian. I'm not saying I'm always right. I'm wrong a lot guys. (I had long hair my junior year of high school, I got beat up by a girl I met on OKCupid, I recently learned what a cob web is) If you're here, I don't have to prove to you how often I'm wrong - you've seen it first hand.
My point is, when a conversation isn't funny to a comedian, it might be more important to listen to that conversation than to his or her jokes. If you're the person looking for the jokes during those conversations, you might be missing something big.
I share as much of myself as I can. If you're not comfortable with that level of vulnerability, I understand. However, if my vulnerability insults you somehow, you don't understand. My vulnerability is where my best and my worst characteristics are born.
"Keep your face to the sunshine and you cannot see the shadows." - Helen Keller
I have a love / hate relationship with this quote because with sunshine, there are always shadows. No matter how funny or positive you seem.
Ignoring them doesn't change anything permanently.
Thank you for sharing, humans.
Love DJB
DJB A Man (9/26/14)
They say 'be a man.'
I'm a man.
At least, that's what my genetic makeup tells me despite looking like a floppy muppet.
But when I look around, I see 'being a man' defined in a way that makes me angry.
The world is full of injustice as a result of excessive and needless machismo.
War. Domestic Violence. Rape. Gang Culture. Sexism. Racism. Homophobia.
Somehow, 'being a man' has become conflated with being an asshole.
I'm far from perfect. I fuck up regularly. But here's what being a man means to me:
A man questions everything. He doesn't parrot nonsense just because he read it or heard it. Every story has another side.
A man gives everyone a chance.
A man cries. He doesn't man up. He doesn't suck it up. He emotes so that his feelings are processed and so he doesn't take them out on the undeserving around him. A man has a full range of emotions that he tries to embrace. A man will embrace therapy without worry what other 'men' think.
A man stands up for equal rights. A man stands up for women. A man stands up for homosexuality. A man stands up against racist police.
A man stands up for the weak. To bully is to revoke the right to say you're strong. Bullying is the polar opposite of being a man.
A man forgives. It's a great feeling to apologize and forgive. It disarms a grudge. It rebuilds bridges.
A man accepts and admits to his mistakes. He isn't perfect.
A man isn't defined by gender roles, stereotypes, sexuality or a blog post written by a floppy muppet.
A man doesn't need to take from the world to prove he's a man. A man gives genuinely.
A man doesn't have a sense of entitlement. A man earns friendships and love.
A man expresses himself free of the concern and consequence of other 'men'.
A man isn't defined by money, possessions or corporate position.
A man is comfortable in his skin no matter what other 'men' say or do because he knows that being a man is truly living the life of an individual.
A man understands these things and agrees.
I love you all.
DJB
Things I've Learned in 35 Years (7/16/14)
Hi friends!
First of all, I want to thank you for being a part of my life, my social media and my chaos.
Tomorrow, I turn 36. (though my barber today guessed I was turning 24 - before I tipped her)
If I died today, I'd say I lived a full life. (as a ghost...a fuuuuuuuuullll liiiiiiife) I'm a lucky, grateful dude and I look forward to more.
I've seen a lot of amazing and I've made some huge mistakes. From it all, I've got some takeaways.
Here's what I've learned.
*Emote. Dammit. Emote. It is human to be upset. It is human to cry. It is human to get pissed off. Don't bury your feelings. Express them as immediately as you can and you'll feel much better in the long run.
*Shake away negativity. Negativity is like quicksand. Get away from it. It will bring you down hard. Surround yourself with people who support you and your ideas and you will be happier and more productive for it.
*When you feel depression approaching, make positive choices no matter how hard it is. Go for a run. Call a friend. Watch a movie.
Write your feelings down. Listen to music. Both depression and positivity can have a domino effect. Choose which way to knock over the dominos.
*Tell people how you feel about them. We're not here for very long. Don't let people leave you without telling them you love them.
Connect with your people. My biggest fear is losing someone before they know how I feel. Tell 'em you love 'em.
*Hugs. Do it. Mean it. Squeeze.
*Make strangers smile. It's addictive. It's contagious. It's what it's all about as far as I'm concerned. When you pull it off, it feels like a magic trick you didn't know you could do. I try to make someone's day every day. It's a good tactic that keeps me out of bad moods.
*Apologize. Forgive. Repeat.
*Don't be selfish and be selfish. When you take care of yourself, you'll take better care of others. I've learned this at the expense of some of my relationships. If you love you, you'll be better suited to love another.
*Tip well. It all comes around.
*Don't take yourself too seriously. If you can't take a joke, you shouldn't be making 'em. Goddammit laugh. As much as possible.
*That thing you've always wanted to do but you're too scared for whatever reason....DO IT. Taking risks will build your confidence in ways you can't imagine. I've been winging it since I was 18 because confidence started to rise inside of me. Ask her out. Do stand up comedy. Jump out of a fucking plane.
*Not knowing is exciting! When you don't know, say so. Watch what happens. LEARNING. (which is also exciting)
*Challenge yourself. Do things you didn't think you could do. (like get through this entire note)
Hey. DJBlovesyou.
(hug)
Inspire Yourself (4/4/14)
I'm getting a lot of shit for how excited I am that I completed the Tough Mudder this past weekend.
I accept and welcome the shit that I wholeheartedly expected from my particular group of friends. Comedians, amirite?
That said, I'm not ashamed of being proud of my accomplishment. I had no idea how I would fare running 10 miles up and down a mountain. I trained for months to get into shape. I've never done ANYTHING like that before. I am extremely proud that I finished strong. That pride threw gas on the inspirational fire that was already inside of me. Also, I feel like you're allowed to talk about it until you're no longer sore - so expect Mudder pictures, stories and anecdotes for another month or so. I stared my fear down and conquered it. I promise I'll stop talking about it soon.
I, too, bust balls about people sharing their accomplishments but that ball busting comes from a place of love. Be your best and no one can touch you. Whenever I do something I didn't think I could do, I become more confident, more inspired and more happy.
If I can do it, you can do it. Trust me.
I've got your backs.
Also, I'd like to thank my friends and family who supported me during my training, during the run and afterwards.
So much love to my cousins Keith and Debbie whose wedding I missed while running the Mudder and also to Tristan and Niem whose BBQ I missed while I was in recovery mode on Sunday. Your love and understanding makes me who I am. Thank you.
Love,
DJB
Unsolicited Advice (3/3/14)
I recognize the irony in writing an unsolicited advice post unsolicitedly.
Being an artist can be tough. It's a personal journey that requires being lost in order to be found.
On any given artist's path, there are roadblocks, detours and free falls. An artist deals with those reroutes and creates via those reroutes.
On my journey, I've taken quite a few detours. One of my most important detours was monumental to my happiness and subsequent success. I share it with you all because I think it's an important detour to take.
For my first 6-8 years of doing comedy, I put more value in impressing my peers than I did on achieving my own goals. In fact, my own goals were ALL crafted via what I thought my peers expected from me.
I listened to the haters and I put them on pedestals. Pedestals that didn't really exist outside of my mind. Outside of my inner critic. I wanted to please the haters more than I wanted to please myself.
Then, something happened. I set a goal for myself. I achieved the goal. I felt great.
Things started happening. Doors started to open. My smile grew wider and more genuine. I became more happy and more confident and I wanted to help everyone become more happy and more confident.
It's win-finity. Win+win+win. We all win forever. I know that's crunchy and hopelessly optimistic but that's me. I own that.
Through setting a small goal for myself, I unknowingly began to realize what I believe is my calling.
My calling is to help people connect with their confidence such that it translates into happiness and eventually success by their own definition. No one can tell you how successful you are or aren't if they don't know what your goals are. You define your own goals. If you haven't, try giving it a shot. Start small. You have your whole life to go big.
The sooner you can cut away the outside noise, the sooner you'll start to make progress with what it is you're trying to achieve. Like minds will find you and build you up. Haters will fuel you. For me, the best thing about haters is that they make me realize how difficult my goals are and yet, in the face of haters, I will achieve them.
Set goals for yourself. Not for the world, not for your peers, not for your parents. Do you and the world will do you back tenfold.
17 years ago, I was a petrified child stepping on stage for the first time. If I could go back in time, I'd tell him to set goals for DJB and work diligently toward them without worrying about the noise. There will ALWAYS be noise. There will not always be you. Take care of you. (or I will)
I love you guys.
DJB
Ask People Out (12/7/13)
Single folk.
If you're tired of being single, do yourself a favor.
Ask people out. Just do it.
Guys and girls alike, ask people out. Don't wait. Don't hesitate. Don't overthink it.
Stop putting people on pedestals. No one is too good for you. No one. There are no leagues.
The more you ask people out, the more you'll realize that it's not a big deal. And, you might be surprised by the results.
People like to know that people are interested in them even if the feeling isn't mutual. It's flattering.
(If you're not creepy about it.)
Just be yourself. Talk to people. Ask them out.
If (and when) someone says no, it might have nothing to do with you. Just roll with it. It doesn't matter.
Rejection only exists if you put people on a pedestal, if you build up hope or expectations.
If you embrace that you're OK with either yes or no for an answer, you'll undo some of the nervousness that comes with asking.
Try it. No, do it. You'll be happy that you did.
DJB
Creating A Man - A Tribute To My Grandfather (11/17/09)
Every once in a while I am completely overwhelmed by emotion. More often than not I turn to writing when I find myself in that place.
As a child, I was not Dana Jay Bein. I was not a comedian. I was Dana Bein. I was shy. I was scared. I was often alone. I was in my shell.
In school, I studied hard so that I wouldn't let people down. I worried about the consequences of my mistakes so much that I refused to make them. Authority terrified me. Teachers, cops, parents of friends, librarians even... all triggered my nerves and my reclusivity. Talk to strangers? NEVER!?!
Kiss a girl? Holy horror, no! Forget my homework? That would be the end of the world. Literally.
Thinking back, I have a hard time pinpointing when I turned inside out but I know exactly who supported it most consistently.
Grampa has always been an advocate of something. Learning French, having a beer, playing football, befriending Jesus, pulling off your thumb... they are all in his repetoire. Whether or not his advocacy affects your beliefs, his passion influences your respect. Even as he struggles in the hospital bed; his charm and warmth is magical.
Grampa taught me how to shave, how to drive, how to save money, how to do calculus, how to be a real Patriots fan and, most remarkably, how to stand up for myself.
He believed in me before I did. His faith in me built my faith in me.
Today, I, Dana Jay Bein, live an amazing, happy, extroverted life thanks to the influence of my Grandfather. As I wonder aloud what will come, I owe infinite thanks to this beautiful, generous, intelligent and humble man. He has always been there for me. He nursed me through my knee rehab. He came to my soccer games. He spotted me money when I was broke. He tried to set me up with Vietnamese immigrant girls when I was a prudish virgin. He called the coach to get me another shot at the JV baseball team. He introduced me to Boston - the city I love so much today - with trips to the aquarium and the science museum as a kid. He taught me forgiveness. He sang me many an Irish lullaby. He peer pressured me to drink more than my friends. He built me a coffin on Halloween. He inspired my love of pancakes. He taught me how to do cryptograms. The list goes on and on. As I go on, so will he.
He will always be a major part of who I am.
I love you, Grampa, and I love life because of you.
I want everyone to know that you are behind my every smile.
If anything, you are proof that God exists. Amen.
