Accepting Mistakes and Differences is Accepting Love

"A person who never made a mistake never tried anything new." - Albert Einstein

I'm headed into some uncharted waters. I want to share my process with you in hopes that it will help you in yours. No matter how you know me, I hope you know that I'm OK sharing my process, my logic, my successes and, most importantly, my failures with you all. As a comedian and complete douche, I accept the cynicism that may come from reading posts like these. My hope is that if you listen to my jokes, you'll listen to my heart. I own that vulnerability.

I don't like to make mistakes. They hurt to make. I feel ashamed. I beat myself up about them sometimes incessantly. Until...I learn. And every time I make a mistake, I seek to learn from that mistake. It doesn't always happen and sometimes it takes a long time for me to find that knowledge. (see also my relationship history, OOOF!) What I've found most important (for me) is to acknowledge that inevitable education as soon as possible after I make a mistake.

Accepting my mistakes as soon as I make them is a process that I'm improving. It's really hard.
Somehow, as a comedian and a guy trying to create a career from nothing, I'm still a perfectionist.
Perfection CAN'T exist in my reality. If I expect perfection then my expectations are too high and completely unrealistic. If I expect perfection, I have not factored in enough room for myself to make mistakes. And mistakes are going to happen. I was a mistake. (Hi mom! Love you!) I'm a walking example of mistakes. Do I not want me to exist? Of course not. I'm happy I'm here most of the time.
Hopefully, you are too. If not, we'll talk about it later, OK? Cool.

As I attempt to improve my process of accepting mistakes and imperfection, I'm growing more and more comfortable with trying new things. And to me, that's terrifying. I've already done naked stand up, run a Tough Mudder, been an adult, male flower girl, entered a bachelor auction - I've set the bar WAY too high for myself. Wait! While that might seem true from the outside, my mind is still not as open as it could be. There are still situations and scenarios where I have a hard time opening my mind. I'm certain I'm not alone in this and I'm certain that it's OK.

I believe that as people, we are one. We are different but we are one.
To me, life is a process of denying and accepting that we are one in the every day, in the short term and in the long term. We're trying to figure things out individually when we could be trying to figure things out united. Together. We push differences away because of fear, doubt and insecurity.
When we do that, we cut away our own opportunities to learn, to grow and to unify so to follow our dreams while supporting the dreams of others.

My wonderful girlfriend Paula is a part of a community of wonderful yogis who study and practice Kundalini Yoga. (The Yoga of Awareness) From what I've learned, Yogi Bhajan brought Kundalini to the US in the late 60s. It's a style of yoga that is based in Sikh principles and its practices help your mind experience god. Paula is studying with like minded yogis to become a teacher of Kundalini Yoga. As such, she approached me months ago to ask me to be her partner in a day long, White Tantric Yoga session, a required portion of her training. I was terrified.

I wanted to be there for my girlfriend more than anything but that want hit the wall of distrust.
That wall of distrust was built in thoughts of cults, brainwashing, stereotypes and ultimately some serious ignorance on my part. I pushed back and voiced my strong minded concerns about what she was doing and asked questions about why I needed to be involved. She explained that she needed a male partner for this ritual and it's fairly intimate (8-10 hours of staring into each others eyes / chanting / touching for 31 / 62 minute intervals). She didn't want to experience that spiritual intimacy with anyone other than me. WHY DIDN'T THAT BLOW ME OVER? WHY DIDN'T I PROPOSE TO HER RIGHT THERE? As I wrote that sentence (the one before the all caps), I got teary eyed because I can't believe I STILL resisted her requests because of my doubt, insecurity and some strange sense of self preservation. This woman loves me. She invited me to be a part of something deeply intimate and I pushed back because of my lack of knowledge. Because of my ignorance.

Fast forward a month or so from that push back, I agreed to go. I'll admit I was still pretty skeptical.
What was I getting into? I mean, I know this group changed Paula's life but can I trust that? Why would I buckle to this weird, cult-like practice? I feel like a hypocrite. I'm smarter than this.
Wow. Wow. Wow. I'm not that smart, friends. There are times where I feel like I've got it all figured out and the times when I acknowledge that I don't are the times where I'm more in touch with myself and with reality.

Fast forward to yesterday. I traveled with what seemed like hundreds of yogis from all over the region to experience Yogi Bhajan's White Tantric Yoga. Most importantly, I traveled with Paula with an open mind and an open heart to a place she wanted me to be: sitting across from her for a full day. Uninterrupted.

So there I was, dressed in all white, chanting, holding poses, looking deeply into Paula's eyes learning more about her than I have in 6-7 months. There I was surrounded by kind and beautiful people trying to find themselves and their connection to meaning and god. There I was sitting next to some of Paula's mentors who have had her back for longer than I have and who genuinely love and support the woman I love. There I was surrounded by love, understanding and beauty. There I was, wondering what the hell my problem was. How can I claim to be open minded when I pushed back on love, my relationship and a new experience? I'll tell you how.

I am open minded. What happened to me is a process we all go through. We question difference. We take careful steps to protect ourselves and the ones we love. We're constantly surrounded by fear and anxiety. I could easily succumb to those fears. I think the only reason I don't is because I listen to my heart. I listen to people. I listen to the people who I love and who love me. I want to connect to people. I want to connect to love. I believe if I connect to people, I will connect with a higher love. This experience reinforced that belief. I do my best to let my mind and heart collaborate.

We're all trying to find something. Some of us are trying to find love. Some of us are trying to find meaning. Some of us are trying to find god. We spend so much time judging the process of how others take that journey that we handicap our own journey. In our day to day, we often reject the actions of others because they're so different than our own.

We often judge, reject or straight up attack differences. I can understand that. I've been on both sides of those attacks. I'm human. You are too. But what would happen if we all really tried to listen to those differences? What would happen if instead of judging, rejecting or attacking those differences, we became optimistically curious about those differences? I believe that we'd learn more about each other and we'd learn more about ourselves. We'd learn to love each other more and we'd learn to love ourselves more.

I'm certain, if we truly made the effort to embrace differences, (religious, racial, sexual, career, national) we would grow more comfortable making mistakes and trying new things. We would succeed more often individually and we would succeed more often as a whole.

Because of my experience with Kundalini Yoga, I feel more connected to Paula and our relationship. I feel more comfortable trying new things. I feel more self reflective. I feel more powerful. I feel more love. Because I was open to trying new things and making the inevitable mistakes with that choice, I learned more than I can explain in a blog post.

I want this for all of you. Try new things. Love and listen to differences.

I love you all.

Thank you for reading this.

DJB