The 100 First Jokes V Incident Explained by DJB

You might have heard that some shit went down tonight at 100 First Jokes V tonight.

First, everything is OK. Thank you for your concern.

Second, I'd like to give you my version of what happened and include why I did what I did and why I said what I said.

Here's what happened:

100 First Jokes is an annual stand up comedy party that I produce and ImprovBoston hosts every New Years Day. There are two shows. In each show, the best comedians from the Boston area tell their first NEW joke of 2016. It's a stupid amount of fun despite how exhausting it is to produce and host.
It's an honor to put this show together for the community that so often has my back.

Tonight, in our 7:30PM show, an incident occurred roughly a third of the way through the show.
Josh Do was onstage telling his first joke. Josh is an asian comic. To me, that's only relevant because of what happened. Josh is hilarious. You'll notice when you talk to someone of a different ethnicity than yours that they're MORE than just their ethnicity. YEAH! They're actually people. They have family, jobs, relationships, bad habits, ups and downs JUST LIKE YOU. It's magical.

Josh was doing a joke about how he has to bounce when he walks so he can stay in rhythm with his testicles. It was going well.

Suddenly, from front row center, an older white, gentleman who looked like a straighter, more Republican looking Tim Gunn, yelled out "You can cut those off with your sushi knife."
Hmmm. That seems out of place.

Where did he get "sushi knife" from a bit about testicles? OH! RIGHT! He has a sushi knife because HE LOOKS LIKE HE MIGHT?!? GET IT? A RACIST STEREOTYPE! I GET IT. FUCK THAT.

Here's where it starts to unravel. I don't like people who talk out at comedy shows. They're known as hecklers. Hecklers suck. For some reason, people who think they're important pay money to see stand up shows and decide that they need to add something so that they can feel momentarily important to the sad people they brought to the show. Hecklers are sad. A rare percentage of hecklers are just having fun and they don't know any better. It's important that the comedian onstage navigate a heckler's demeanor and intent before going full steam after them. You don't want to eviscerate someone who is just having fun.

Most importantly, I don't like racism. It sucks. It affects people in profound, shitty ways that an older, arrogant looking white gentleman likely doesn't understand. I can't imagine he's ever hassled at the tennis club for his membership card or pulled over in his Volvo for changing lanes without a blinker.

So on the sidelines, from where I host, I waited to see how Josh responded. Josh did a classy thing. He didn't respond. I don't know why. I don't care why. He finished his joke and left the stage.

If you want to see the monster inside of me, punch down.
Pick on someone who you perceive as lower than you.
I will devour you and I'll still be hungry when you're digested.

So I decided to address what happened. I took the stage and I said:
(maybe slightly paraphrased; I was hot)
"Hey, feel free to laugh, applaud, even boo but you don't get to talk during the show and you certainly don't get to say racist things to the comedians. Not on my stage. Also, dude, you look just like Tim Gunn. This isn't Project Runway. It's 2016. It might be time to be a little bit more progressive."

He was notably and impressively silent for the rest of the show.

The show went on without further incident, though, I did playfully apologize to him once and rib him gently a couple of more times. I could have destroyed him, He was front row center with what I think was his wife and his 20 something year old daughter. There may have been more of his people. Honestly, for the world's sake, I hope not.

(again might be paraphrasing a bit...)
At the end of the show, as I said 'Thank you! Goodnight', I turned around to strike the mic stand and I could hear him yelling at me. "Hey. Hey you. Hey asshole." I tried to ignore him but then I could see in my periphery that he had come onstage. I turned and he got right in my face.
Mind you, my mic was still live for some of this so the audience and the comedians in the holding area heard most of the exchange.....

He said "Who the hell do you think you are?"
I said: "I'm not a racist, for starters. You don't talk during a comedy show."
He said: "You're a loser. What I said wasn't racist. He was talking about testicles. I said he should cut them off with a sushi knife."
I said: "Uh. that's racist. That comedian was asian."
He said: "It's not racist you loser. Stop spitting at me." (mind you, he's right in my face. I just hosted a show with 75 comics on it. I don't have any saliva in my mouth at this point)
I said: "I don't care what you said. If you talk during a comedy show, you'll get called out. You're rude. Did you notice how no one else did that?"
He said: "You're a loser. My daughter's here. You embarrassed me in front of my daughter."
I said: "You embarrassed you in front of your daughter. You're a shitty father. Get the fuck out of here."

He left. I don't miss him. I really don't. I wish him well. But he left thinking he was right.
His machismo was bubbling over so much that he couldn't possible turn the mirror on himself.
That's behind a lot of the world's problems, by the way.

So, here's the thing. I don't like being angry even when it's justified.
This guy was absolutely in the wrong. He got right up in my face. I think he said he was going to kill me but I don't remember it clearly enough to be certain. (I was hot.) I thought he was going to take a swing.
I've never seen someone SO in the wrong be so indignant about it and insist he's right.
This is what it's like to be white sometimes. You get to act like a complete asshole and then back away from any accountability. Can you imagine how rare it must be for people to call this guy out?

Sir, Tim, can I call you Tim? Mr. Gunn.

1) You heckled = wrong.
2) You were racist = wrong
3) You came onstage uninvited = wrong

I'm sorry that I embarrassed you in front of your daughter but I'm sure it's not the first time she'll be ashamed of you or the last if this is any indication of how you typically behave in public.

Grow up, shut up and stay the fuck home.

For those who were there or who wanted to hear this story, I have a challenge for you:
CALL THIS SHIT OUT EVERY FUCKING TIME.
It's not being politically correct. It's being human. I don't feel brave or like a hero.
I'm upset. I don't like being angry. I don't like that this guy thinks he should be able to get away with that. I don't like that calling this shit out seems like such a rarity. Please, I implore you, get on it, friends.

I love you all.

Love yourself, take care of each other and follow your fucking dreams.

DJB