Listening Is Love

Sometimes I catch myself not being present in a conversation.
I'm easily distracted and that's frustrating. Ideal conversation helps build relationships.
If I'm not listening, I'm not doing my part. I'm not invested. I'm hanging my conversation partner out to dry. I'm not showing the conversation the love it deserves, the love it requires.

Conversation is a dying art. Most of us don't want it anymore.
Our minds are made up. Everything is black or white. Right or wrong. Left or right.
Extremes.

When we fall into extremes, we're easier separated.
We don't care to listen to the other side because we disagree and that's the end of it.
To agree to disagree means this conversation is over. Then, we walk away.
Disagreeing is uncomfortable, possibly infuriating.
Sometimes disagreeing leads to the end of a friendship. Or to the end of a marriage.
Or worse, to being unfriended on Facebook.

I challenge myself not only to stay present in conversations but to stay present with people.
As a guy with a short attention span, it can be really difficult to stay present with people, let alone people I disagree with. A person isn't just a series of opinions. A person is a story.
That story informs those opinions and subsequent emotions. We all have a story.
We want our story heard. We want our story validated.
If we know we want to be validated, how can we be so quick to invalidate someone else's story?

Mind you, I'm talking about disagreements. I'm not talking about human rights violations.
Obviously, we should address those differently. If certain actions invalidate people's rights to safety and livelihood and freedom, maybe we'll categorize those actions as 'not fucking OK'.

We're less powerful divided than we are as a whole.
We build less and we break more. We compromise less and point fingers more.
We're easier controlled in the extremes. Extremists don't typically want conversation.
They prefer validation and, therefore, further isolation.
Extremists tend to be emotional first, mindful second.
Extremists don't want you to hear or, worse, validate the other stories.

I believe we should listen to each other's story. I believe it's why we're here. To share stories.
To learn from one another. To listen to one another. To build together. To conquer differences with love. I know not everyone wants to share but I'm always curious why they don't.
I believe when you open yourself to the world, the world opens itself to you.
In that world is everything you'll ever need. Don't be ashamed of your story. Embrace that shit.
Wear it like a T-shirt with a message. The message is: My story is important.

Here's the twist: the best way to share that message is by receiving someone else's.
Validate someone else's story. Listen. Embrace the uniquenesses and the differences and the obtuse angles and the cross references and the 'holy shit, how did you get through thats?'.
By validating, you will find validation. By being unselfish, you, in turn, are being selfish.

But are you?
We are all one people. We are all one light.
Listen to yourself.

Love yourself, take care of each other and follow your fucking dreams.