Realizations About My Sister On Her 35th Birthday

I have not been the best older brother I can be.

I'm often distant, I'm often selfish and I spent a lot of my life resenting how different we were.

Here are some of the things that took me a long time to realize:

*You taught me how to be tough. Goddamn, if not for you I'd be the most coddled, pansy, momma's boy. I'm eternally grateful for having to compete with you growing up. You kept me on my game.

Your competitive spirit and natural athleticism forced me to work harder and run faster. 

*You are unapologetically you. I wish I could be like that as often as you are. It's incredible. You don't give a fuck and it's why people respect, love and admire you. If you could bottle and sell that attitude, that way of living, you'd be a trillionaire. It's gold. Never change that. Send me some of that. 

*You are one of the most loyal people I have ever met. Like "Where is he? I'm going to kick his ass!" loyal. You love hard and you fight harder. I learned how to do those things watching you. 

I feel completely untouchable when I'm around you. It's not that I don't feel like I can't stand up for myself, it's more I don't have to. My sister is an assassin. Good luck not getting your arms broken.

*Some of my best stories are about you. Some of them are flattering and some of them, not so much. (We were kids, right?) Regardless, you're the main character and my friends love to hear about you. 

*In many ways, you are better than me. My 17 year old self would murder me if he heard me say that. At least I'd be dying telling the truth. Even in your struggles, you get after it. I know a lot of people who couldn't deal with the things you've dealt with. You shrug off the impossible like it's no big deal.

*You are hilarious. I watch a lot of comedy. Arguably, way too much. You are one of the few people that just gets me. You hit on what I think is funny so quickly. I envy that. You're a natural performer and storyteller and when you speak, people listen. I'm thankful you don't pursue comedy because you'd be better than me at that, too. 

*I admire the hell out of you. You're independent. You're strong. You speak your mind. You're really a beautiful person and I'm sorry it took me so long to tell you that. 

*20 years ago this would be a list of grievances that would seem endless. Today, I could go on and on about how happy I am that we're family. Happy birthday, Erin. Thank you for never killing me in my sleep. I love you.